A blog I wrote back in February and recently stumbled upon...

I've realized recently that getting around to blogging has been low on my to-do list. Winter quarter comes with such fury and passes so quickly, that getting everything I want to get done doesn't always happen. Not that the case is any different for the other quarters, but Winter quarter is shorter...

I tend to prioritize my life and my time by asking myself the question, "what do I need to do now?" This tends t o be a pretty effective question in terms of getting things done. However, I've realized that it is not effective in addressing MY needs. I ask what needs to get done? And I get done what needs to get done, often at the expensive of my sanity or desires. I've accepted that this is where I am at in my life. At least for a long time, I've felt that this was the most effective way to get things accomplished. And if accomplishment is all I'm after, then I'm definitely on the right track. But recently, I've started to look at things differently. This change in perspective has been slow...very slow in coming. I feel that since living in Nashville my life has been based on "SURVIVAL." The traits of just surviving don't fade so quickly. Dash and I tend to have this conversation often. Him saying that I don't have to just survive anymore, and me responding with I just don't know how NOT to survive anymore. There are so many things that I'd love to do right now. I'd love to work harder in school and make better grades, I'd love to lose some weight, I'd love to have more time for friends. But I've chosen to be a working student. I spend more hours in a week working than I do in school. Sure, there are ways that I could skirt around this whole working thing, but none of them make sense for me or for my family. Because let's face it, unless you're over 24, married, or loaded with money, a kid going to college is really a family ordeal. In this society, we try to downplay the role that the family plays in a kid going off to college. But the system is definitely not set up that way.

I feel that I spend so much of time just going that stopping feels wrong. But recently I've realized that I'm tired. Running this race through college is exhausting. I wouldn't have it any other way, mind you, but it's hard. And I refuse to be a 6 year undergraduate student. Because let's face it, being in college for that long, living in Bellingham is just not going to work for me. Bellingham and I have had a wonderful 3.5 years together, but after college, there's not going to be much left for me here. And realistically in Psychology you have to have more than a BA, so if I'm going to be in school for that long, I'd like to have more than just a BA to show for it.

Anyways, back to my point. I've somehow changed the question that I ask myself now...And honestly, I can't tell you how it changed, just that it did. So the question that I've now started asking..."Can I live with this not getting done?"